Monday, August 15, 2005

Ridiculous Criminals, Grammar Lessons, Presents, and Puppies!

What on earth do you expect to happen when you kill a corrections officer? I believe in rights and all, but to fight extradition? You know it's going to happen, it's not like the fugitives made it to France, so just give in peacefully and go back to Tennessee and face the consequences of your actions.

This was the second escape I read about where some stupid woman got sucked in by a violent felon and decided to help him escape. So, now instead of being able to visit the love of your life, you get to spend time in your own prison cell and not see said Love ever again (for the most part). Do people think at all anymore???

"I have went through…" - *wince* I just heard this said at a desk near me. This example of someone who wasn't paying attention in grade school, but somehow got through college just makes me crazy. I might have mentioned this woman with whom I shared a cube when I first start working here who used to say "I seen…" and "I had saw…" I nearly dented my skull banging my head on the desk. And the best part? She thought she was so much smarter than everybody else. Uh, no, sweetheart.

For the record, it's "I saw the bird (or whatever the fuck you saw)." And "I have seen…" Got it? Excellent!

Friday I went down to Greektown for a very late lunch/early dinner with LB, YS, Grandma, Grandma's husband, my cousin and her baby. Had a very lovely lunch, of course, and then wandered down the street checking stuff out while LB, Grandma and GH went into the casino to get the parking stubs validated (only good thing about the casino, IMHO). The local over the top pastry bakery had one of those dry erase boards sitting outside their door with a list of goodies that they sell. The sign read: Latte's, Cappuccino's along with a bunch of other things with an apostrophe to indicate PLURAL. I went up to the sign and very methodically erased all the extraneous apostrophes. The funny thing was that they also sold milkshakes and didn't use the apostrophe on that word. I easily erased ten apostrophes from that sign. I wish I had had time to go back down there on Saturday to see if they had added them back in.

Yesterday at church there was a priest there (there were actually a throng of priests present at it was a special Mass for men taking vows to continue in their priesthoodness, and I guess priests turn out in force to show support) who looked like George Dubya Bush. Can you imagine how disconcerting it must be to see that face looking back at you every morning? *shudder*

I have gotten some early b-day presents and I must admit that I enjoy b-day presents, be they early or late. I like to think that late presents just extend the b-day celebrations. My very first presents I got two weeks ago from my friend Sunshine/Railroad. I got The Smiths, Hatful of Hollow which was my very first The Smiths' tape, but I just never got around to buying it for myself on CD. It was technically from her son, though. That two year old has great taste in music! She and her husband got me the Schoolhouse Rock DVD which is just super duper cool. Hey, it was from the 70s, right, so I gotta talk like the 70s! ;-)

My third present was from my Rabid Republican Aunt (RRA) who is also my godmother. She got me some sort of floating frog tray for the bathtub. Sure, it's cute, how could rubber frogs not be cute, but what the hell am I going to do with it? When I take a bath, it's to relax, not play with tub toys. I stopped doing that some years ago. Ah well, they're cute, right?

My fourth and fifth presents completely kicked ass (as did the first two). My friend Adam who moved to SoCal earlier this summer was back for a few days as his GF is defending her dissertation tomorrow (Good luck, Laura! Everybody think good thoughts for Laura tomorrow), so I had a chance to spend a few hours with him yesterday. He gave me a new pair of Chuck Taylors, and we all know how I love my Chucks. My new Chucks are even called Goth! (7th pair down) How cool are those? I think they're very cool. And the fifth present? An official-straight-from-France Tour de France yellow T-shirt from Glen and Julieu! Woohoo!!! I'm wearing it to the gym today and going to make everybody oh so jealous of my fabulous camiseta!!!

OS and her family drove 4.5 hours to Ohio this past Saturday to get a puppy. Yup, 4.5 hours there and 4.5 hours back. OS's husband named him Swiffer because he looks a tad like a mop. Swiffer is a Malt-a-poo (or however the hell they spell it) which is a Maltese/Poodle Mix. Ah, the people who know such things seem to spell it Malti-Poo. Oh, but wait, a different website spells it, Malte-Poo, so there's apparently some dissent within the dog breeding industry. Ah, on further inspection, my original spelling is also a contender. This is so exciting.

Swiffer is all white, and looks more like this. YS, LB, Mom and I went over Saturday night to meet the newest member of the family and I have to say that Swiffer is pretty freaking cute. The reason they drove across the country to get this particular dog is because it has hair, not fur, and supposedly doesn't shed. OS and Nephew are very very allergic. They knew somebody who had gotten Swiffer's sister, Tina (a shout out to all you Napoleon Dynamite fans out there), and OS was able to put her face in Tina's fur w/o a problem. I guess the family needed a dog, because now they have one.

I'm a fan of the use of the adverb – something that doesn't happen very often these days, I've noticed, and it's just so easy. The other day I used "fuckedupedly" which I think might have been the first documented use of the F-word as adverb. Mom was most impressed, but said that if anybody were going to do use it adverbially, it would be me.

Tonight I'm going to the Tigers game. They're playing…let me check…ah, Boston, shit, they're going to lose. Ah well, good thing I'm prepared for that. As Glenpointed out in his blog today, we need our high-priced talent to get a move on. Enough of this shit. Of course, trading our best reliever for two minor-leagues who did nothing when they were at Atlanta was not the smartest move, but then again, remember that the Tigers originally drafted John Smoltz and then traded him away for CRAP.

And somehow between now and Friday afternoon I have to get my apt. in some semblance of an order since my friend HRH is coming to town for the birthday baseball game and I'm sure she'll be staying with me. So much to do, so little time. I spent a couple of hours on Saturday working on the mess that is my apt., but couldn't spend all day like I wanted since it was LB's last day in town. I have a total of 32 people going to the baseball game on Friday and I'm pretty darn excited. And since it's my aunt and uncle's anniversary that night, I'm having that little tidbit of information flash across the screen. My group sales contact said it'll be up between the top and bottom of the fifth innings. I don't know that we'll be able to see it though, since we're sitting in left field. ARGH!!!


At Monday, 15 August, 2005, Blogger Glen said...

If Doyle Alexander could hear you....he went 9-0 during the second half of that season and got us into the playoffs! Just kidding, it was the classic get one half season and give up a hall of fame career trade.

By the way, did you see the (gag) article in today's USA Today about Shrub's Tour De Crawford? They even referred to him as leading the first PELOTON, for the love of God. If only I had a broom handle and some camouflage...

At Tuesday, 16 August, 2005, Blogger Kathleen said...

Yeah, I know. I got the lecture from Bill at the game. I don't care, WE GAVE UP JOHN SMOLTZ??? How many other players have we given up for crap and they turn out to be fabulous for the other team? Unfortunately, not Higginson. ;-)

I heard that Shrub would be riding with Lance, but I hadn't heard it was being called the Tour de Crawford or that he was "leading the peloton." DEAR GOD!!!

At Tuesday, 16 August, 2005, Blogger Erica said...

Speaking of adverbs... I adore John Cleese and anything Monty Python related. (How does this apply? Kathleen is wondering...) I read a biography of him, in which it was stated that he attended the classic English boys' school with stuffy professors. One such professor always - ALWAYS - used unlikely adverbs in the "(adverb) speaking" sense. "Judiciously speaking" "fuckedupedly speaking" etc.

The anecdote was that John Cleese walked out in the middle of that professor's lecture for the express purpose of sticking his head in the door of a fellow schoolmate's classroom and sharing the gem "prognosticaciously speaking."

I know, long story with no real whiz-bang of a punchline. But I've never had a topical forum in which to share that!

At Tuesday, 16 August, 2005, Blogger Kathleen said...

Erica - GREAT STORY!!! I love it when I hear great adverb stories. I already liked Samuel L. Jackson, but then I heard him on NPR's show Open Air (or something like that) and he stated how he liked diagramming sentences back in school and how important it was. I fell in love with him that day. ;-)


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