Wednesday, September 15, 2004

Movie Lists

Today's entry is going to be a list of movies that the entire world has seen but me, with additional commentary as I see fit.

Top Gun – Tom Cruise (in my book, 'nuff said)

Days of Thunder – Tom Cruise and NASCAR

Mission Impossible – Um, again Tom Cruise

In fact, it would be easier if I listed the Tom Cruise movies I've seen and regret:

Risky Business - Okay, I don’t actually regret this one

The Firm – Tom Cruise and John Grisham – sucked major ass, as if the book wasn't bad enough!!!

Jerry Maguire – If it hadn't been for Cuba Gooding, Jr., I wouldn't have bothered at all with this one.

Okay, back to our regularly scheduled list:

Cold Mountain – This movie doesn't even begin to interest me in the slightest.

The Hours – Read the book and freaking hated it, can't imagine why I would waste my time on the movie.

Terminator & T2 – Just never saw them and at this point, it's almost a badge of honor, especially since he's now a politician. I did see the third one and although it was okay, it didn't make me feel like I missed anything by not seeing the first two.

Die Hard (all of them) – I don't even have Bruce Willis issues, just never saw them.

Patton – Not a big war movie fan.

Natural Born Killers – Not really my subject matter

The Towering Inferno – Although I might add it to my list.

Jaws – Never interested in this one

Trainspotting – I know people who thought it was fabulous, but one of those people also loved Bubba-Ho-Tep, so we won't be taking his/her advice, will we?

Rambo (any and all) – I refuse to watch Sylvester Stallone movies as a general rule.

Rocky (all) – Although I might have seen part of the original one but am thankful I fell asleep.

American Pie – Again, absolutely no interest.

The Big Chill – And I have to say I really have no desire to see this movie

Groundhog Day – I have huge Bill Murray issues

Office Space – Just haven't seen it. I did see Clock Watchers though, and Haiku Tunnel.

Any and all Policy Academy movies – I have an issue with stupid slapstick.

Name a Jim Carrey movie and I can guarantee I haven't seen it. I can handle approximately 3.5 seconds of him before I want to shoot my television

This is Spinal Tap – It's in my queue, I swear! I'll see it sometime this decade!

Raising Arizona – Back to my Coen Brother issues


The Jerk

The Money Pit – It just looked unbelievably stupid.


Weekend at Bernie's

Godfather (all of them) – I have violence issues, so I just never bothered with these.

The Rocky Horror Picture Show – At some point I think I'd like to see this, but not on TV (it's been on USA) since I'm sure it'll be cut all to hell.

Saving Private Ryan – Violence and war. Yeah, I know they go together, but I really don't deal well with them.

Thin Red Line – Ditto.

Stand By Me

A River Runs Through It

The Passion – And my plan is never to see it.

American Beauty – Not sure if I'm going to see this. I love Kevin Spacey, but I've had a number of people tell me that this is not a "Kathleen movie" so I'm torn.



Six Degrees of Separation

Coming Home

The Deerhunter

Revenge of the Nerds

Movies I regret seeing:

Robocop (I & II) – Girls, never give in and see violent movies just to appease the man.

Predator (I & II) – Same as above! Just say NO!!!!

Fargo – I fucking hated this movie beyond words.

Barton Fink – Another Coen Brothers film which makes me question their popularity.

Dirty Dancing – Another movie whose popularity I do not understand.

Driven – My only Stallone movie, but I had to see it as it was ostensibly about my beloved Champ Car series, but there were more things wrong (factually) with that movie than were right. I saw it with a bunch of Champ Car fans and we were yelling at the screen when anything blatantly wrong occurred. Thanks, Sly, for doing such an incredibly bad job of introducing open-wheel racing to the uninitiated. I was also at most of the races so if you could get out a magnifying glass and stop the movie you might find me in the crowd scenes.

The Witches of Eastwick – I almost puked watching this movie. Never again! Thank God it was free.

The Road to Wellville – Great if you love exceptionally lame scatological references and humor. I don't get offended by such things and have even found them funny on many occasions, but this movie was a complete waste of time and space!!!! Don't waste your time!

Jumanji – And I love Robin Williams

Pacific Heights – This movie freaked me out big-time, just thinking about it gives me the heebie-jeebies!!!

A Midsummer's Night Sex Comedy – I'm very sorry and hope I don't offend all the Woody Allen fans out there, but I do not think that WA is a film genius and I can't be bothered to waste my precious time on any of them.

Faces of Death – I don't even remember the group of people with whom I watched these (along with the aforementioned Woody Allen movie), but God these are just bloody awful!!!


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