Why I Live in an Apartment

I live in an apartment, on purpose. I have no desire to own house nor to live in one, really. I live alone and like knowing there are people close by or who might miss me if they didn't see every so often. Besides that, I have zero interest in the outdoor arts, i.e., gardening, mowing the lawn, weeding, etc. I did enough of that as a kid, trust me. But a friend today sent me this and I think that I might actually contemplate cutting the lawn if I had one those. That is the most beautiful lawn mower I have ever seen in my life. The fact that it's based on the most beautiful race car ever in the history of the world has nothing to do with it.

Another reason I like apartment living is that when something goes wrong, I call Schneider and he fixes it. Like last night. When the pipe burst in the wall between the shower and the kitchen. I had just taken a shower with plans of crawling into bed and reading a little bit and was standing in the bathroom when I noticed Boris looking at something most intently. I looked where he was looking and what did I see? Rusty water running around both sides of the toilet. Oy vey. I ascertained that it was not the toilet that was causing the problem and threw the bathmat on the pool of water between the tub and the toilet. I went into the kitchen where I heard hissing as when the radiator is leaking water. Oy.Vey. I threw on clothes as I was in my nightshirt and it's not fit for public consumption and ran across the hall to Schneider's apt. He came over, took two steps into the kitchen and then bolted out of the apt. A few moments later, the hissing stopped.

I decided it would be smart to move the stuff I had stored under the kitchen sink out of the way of the panel that leads to the shower plumbing when once again I noticed Boris looking at me and then looking at the front door. My neighbor was at the door (which was open) and was wondering if Schneider had turned off the water because she didn't have any. "Oh, yeah, that must be what he did. The hissing in my kitchen stopped. I'm sorry."

Schneider comes back with his son, who is now old enough to drink beer - I remember when he was a little kid. ARGH! How does this happen?? They checked the pipes out and then disappeared again with the son telling me, "Don't drink my beer." I hadn't even realised he had brought one in with him. It was a Bud Light, so it was in no danger from me.

Schneider & Son come back and he informs me that I will not be able to shower in the morning (OH NO! I mean, yes I had just taken a shower and wasn't bound to need one in the morning to get clean, but it's how I wake up. I don't drink coffee.), but if I really needed to, he would leave his door unlocked and I could go over to his place (he's married) to shower in the morning. I didn't want to do that, really, nor disturb them, so I told him it was okay. I have short hair, so it got the washcloth treatment this morning.

The problem, as it turns out, relates back to the guy who was the super before Schneider. His name was Scott and he was about friggin' worthless. He would NOT turn on the boiler until Dec. 1. My first winter there I would come home from work to a 40-degree apartment whereupon I'd put on a pair of socks, a pair of long johns (top and bottom), another pair of socks, a pair of sweats (top and bottom) and then climb into bed with the electric blanket on high. I would call him every day with the temperature report. All to no avail - his building, however, which was directly behind mine, was very nicely heated. I went over once to pay my rent and found that it was toasty warm. Fucker. His wife was a complete wench, as well.

Anyway, when Scott converted what is now my bathtub into a shower (it's 80+ years old and apparently only came with a tub), he connected galvanised pipe to copper pipe which is quite the plumbing no-no from what Schneider tells me for a variety of reasons - they expand at different rates/temps, they cause build-up (which caused the galvanised pipe to burst last night), etc. Therefore, today Schneider and his son(s) are in my kitchen tearing my wall out to fix my shower, so that I may bathe tomorrow morning.