Tuesday, August 29, 2006

Euphoria - Rabbit in the Moon's Divine Gothic Disco Mix

My buddy FreakMagnet Dave's last post dealt with his BIL's psycho ex-girlfriend. It gave me the idea of telling you all about the LB's (Little Brother for those new here) PsychoBitch Girlfriend, who is finally an ex, although there was fear in the family that she would never be an ex.

I was living in SF at the time and the LB moved out a year or so after me. Some friends down in the peninsula were having a party the day he arrived (drove out with the YS) and invited all of us. Wait, why was she there? I could have some of my details messed up, because I can't figure out why she was at one of my friend's houses. Anyway, we saw her and didn't really think anything, except that YS liked the dress she was wearing and said so. PsychoBitch's response was, "Yeah, so?" So, you can tell she's chock full of manners and correct behaviors. The LB is cute and girls really like him. And just like wife beaters are really good at finding women who will put up with him hitting her, PsychoBitches are really good at finding the guy who is too nice and malleable for his own good. In other words, my brother.

I hung out with the LB and PsychoBitch a few times and didn't really think much about her. She was okay. Nothing to write home about and certainly not a "cupcake" – LB's terms for a cute girl. But whatever. I didn't think it was going to last that long because she was pretty insanely liberal, while he's very conservative. Wow, was I wrong.

She slowly took over his life until the few friends he had made in the SF area (it's really bloody hard to make friends out there) faded away and she was literally all he had – other than my aunt, uncle, cousins and me – and she tried really freaking hard to get between us, too. In the years that I stayed out there, I can't remember one time when I actually got to spend time with my brother without her calling him a billion times or keeping him on the phone for hours while she yelled at him.

One time LB was supposed to meet me up at my favorite bar in SF to watch the Red Wings game (he preferred the Kezar Pub down in the Haight because it was owned by a Detroiter and there was Red Wings stuff everywhere, but I preferred The Bus Stop up on Union Street, because I knew everybody there and it was very comforting to me). On this particular night I gave in to LB and went down to Kezar. He was late (as usual, but with SF traffic, it's hard to blame him) and when he got there I reminded him that he was supposed to spend the night because he had to take me to the airport early in the morning. He had forgotten, of course, and had made plans with PsychoBitchfromHell to watch South Park. He immediately headed off to the pay phone and tried to get a hold of her, leaving messages with her parents. He spent damn near the entire time at the bar in the back on the pay phone trying to let her know because she's so controlling and nuts she was going to be PISSED.

After the game we went back to my place, where he continued to call her ad nauseum because a message wasn't good enough for her. He finally gets a hold of her and she goes off on him like you would not believe. No, I couldn't hear her side of the conversation, but I heard his, which was dead silence and a clear indication that she was yelling at him. He would try to speak every once in a while, but he would get cut off before he could finish a sentence. I was LIVID!!! My evening with my brother was nothing of the sort. He hung out in the dining room listening to her yell at him while I watched TV, finished packing and finally went to bed.

That year J-man was having an NYE party. It always started out as a pre-party before heading out into the night, but rarely did anybody ever leave. Anyway, the LB wanted to come up and hang with TAS, Joyce and me at J-man's, but the Psycho Bitch from Hell didn't really want to, but did "for a little while." LB got pretty drunk and was having a good time at the party, while PBfH didn't, because it's not what she wanted to do. I was hoping that this was the beginning of the end, but I was oh so wrong, as this went on for YEARS. Back to NYE, she got all pissy and wanted to go to another party and she wanted my brother to drive her there. Thankfully, he is smart enough to know when he shouldn't drive, and he told her that. She was insisting on it, until we all got on her case. I had had a fair bit to drink that night and I was feeling no pain. I was, however, feeling a deep and fiery anger at this wench. Sometime after midnight, we all headed to my apt. where we informed PBfH that if she wanted to go home, she should call her dad for a ride, because my brother was no in any condition to drive. She didn't like it, but she didn't really have a choice (we had suggested she take a cab earlier in the evening to the other party, but she wasn't about to lose her control over my brother). She decided to go outside to wait for her father, long before he was going to be able to get there, so Joyce & I went with her so that she wouldn't get mugged. I'm sure it was Joyce's idea as she was sober. I would have let the bitch get mugged. Trust me, I'm normally not hostile even to complete strangers, but this woman pushed my buttons.

While standing out there waiting for her father to get there, I decided to let her have a piece of my mind, something TAS had already done inside. I told her how she manipulates my brother and how I hadn't had a good visit with him since she showed up because every time he's at my house she keeps him on the phone bitching him out for some perceived wrong. I brought up the South Park night and pretty much how much I hated her and how evil she was. I was on a freaking roll, just screaming at her. Joyce finally stopped me and said, "Kathleen, I think it's time for you to go in now." Darn sober people. ;-) I went in and TAS went out and she apparently lit into PBfH as well. LOL! PBfH bitched to my brother about it at some later date that although she didn't like it, she could understand that I was his sister and felt I had the right to say those things (damn straight, bitch), but she didn't think TAS had any right whatsoever. Maybe not, but I thanked TAS for joining in.

My last run in with the PsychoBitchfromHell was a few months later. I thought the LB was getting smart and he might have attempted to break up with her. All I know is that I had bronchitis, so was home sleeping (it was a Saturday, of course) when my phone started ringing. I got out of bed, walked through the living room into the kitchen and checked my caller ID. It was a store, but I answered it and nobody was there. I went back to bed, but within 30 minutes the phone rang again. Same store phone # on my caller ID, nobody there. After the fifth time (or however many times), I called the number back, but it was a fax line. I called Information and got the direct line to the store which I dialed and then proceeded to ask, "Do you have a PsychoBitchfromHell's name who works there?" "Yes, we have two." "Is there one working right now?" "Yes." "May I speak with her, please?" "Yes, just a moment." Well, it took forever for her to get to the phone, so I finally hung up. Seconds after I hung up, the phone rang again with the store's number showing up yet again.

I got a hold of the LB who was coming up to spend the evening with me and he told me that she was calling my aunt and uncle's house as well. By the time, the LB showed up in The City, I had a good 30 calls from her and I found out that she had called my aunt & uncle a similar number of times. Can we say OBSESSED? I turned my phone off and we decided to head upstairs to J-man's apartment to watch TV, as he was going out with the current girlfriend anyway. That way we could enjoy a night of movie watching w/o having to listen to the phone ring every other second. The PBfH called my aunt's house one too many times that evening. PBfH didn't hang up once and actually asked for the LB. My uncle had answered the phone, but my aunt overheard him say that the LB wasn't there and she said, "Is that her? Give me the phone." Now, anybody who knows my aunt knows that she is the quietest, most pleasant, most laidback person on the face of this earth. I've asked her if in her job as a pharmacist she had developed a valium patch because she's just so damn calm all the time. Yeah, not this time. She grabbed the phone from my uncle and proceeded to rip the PsychoBitchfromHell a new one. "Why are you calling here looking for LB? You know he doesn't live here. Do you know that you've called her 30 times already today? Do not call here ever again." This was the abridged version of what my aunt said. According to my uncle, she went on for a while and was obviously PISSED. My uncle was impressed and scared all at the same time as he had never seen my aunt like that and they've been together since 1979 (or so).

When LB and I finally returned to my apt late that night, I had over 40 calls from her. I unplugged the phone so that we could sleep w/o the answering machine clicking all damn night and when I plugged it in the next morning (8:00-ish), the phone rang immediately. Yup, it was her. I don't even remember if I answered the phone that morning and let him do it, if he even wanted to, but I really thought it was going to be over then. Sadly, it was years before he finally got rid of there and then it was because she found somebody else to boss around. When I first met her and heard that she had been engaged, but her fiancé had dumped her via e-mail, I felt sorry for her. After dealing with her for only two years, I completely understood why he did it. Every time my LB tried to dump her ass, she would threaten suicide. Her father actually offered my brother ten thousand dollars to marry her (because she was here illegally). I had reached the point where I didn't fucking care if she killed herself, I just wanted my brother to be free of her, as did the rest of the family. I was actually *this* close to turning her into the INS because she was allowed to stay in this country as long as she didn't work, but she was working and I found out where she was working (nothing nefarious, my brother forwarded an e-mail from her work e-mail), but I was too wimpy to do it. TAS was ready to do it for me, but I never forwarded her the info and then PBfH found somebody else's life to ruin so I didn't have to do it. I am glad that I found the (Dutch) courage though to tell her what I thought of her at least once. I just wish I weren't so opposed to violence because I would have dearly loved to smack her upside her stupid head. ;-)

13 Comments:

At Tuesday, 29 August, 2006, Blogger MW said...

Katm6: I can't remember one time when I actually got to spend time with my brother without her calling him a billion times or keeping him on the phone for hours while she yelled at him.

Sounds just like my PB and his PW (PB stands for Psycho Brother; PW stands for Psycho Wife). It's incredibly sad, yet incredibly just for both of them.

Katm6: The phone rang immediately. Yup, it was her.

Once again, ditto on my PB and his PW. As much as it bothers me, I cannot imagine a more appropriate punishment for two more deserving people (my PB and his PW). It is very, very rare that the universe allows two such people to find and torture one another on a daily basis, and thus spare two decent human beings (who might have been their spouses instead) from lifetimes of misery. Even worse/better (depending on ones POV), they are both so controlling of/addicted to one another that neither one will ever leave the other.

Katm6: I was on a freaking roll, just screaming at her.

If you hadn't gotten to this part when you did, I was going to stop reading and comment early, saying, "You? Hold back? No way! That's not the Kathleen I know." ;-)

Katm6: I dialed and then proceeded to ask, "Do you have a PsychoBitchfromHell's name who works there?" "Yes, we have two."

To the impartial reader, that is a very funny line, because it appears that you are really asking for a PychoBitchfromHell, and they are saying that they have two, and "take your pick." ;-)

It's too bad your LB wasted the best years of his handsome youth on someone like that.

P.S. What does "TAS" stand for?

 
At Tuesday, 29 August, 2006, Blogger Dave said...

Way to go! For you AND your aunt. That is awesome. I'm so glad I finally blasted the psycho. It made me feel good, and if I provided her with some valuable insight into her own character flaws, even better. :o)
Here's the scary part...BIL just e-mailed us last night. Looks like he's moving back here and finding an apartment right away..."just so you know". What he failed to say is where he'll be staying between his arrival and when he moves into this new place. Something tells me we'll be getting another e-mail this week asking if he can crash at our place. But if she phones us just once....look out.

 
At Tuesday, 29 August, 2006, Blogger trinamick said...

Wow. If it hadn't been for the being illegal part, I'd have thought you were describing my SIL. She managed to turn a perfectly normal guy everyone liked into a whipped, preppy, obnoxious, closet alcoholic who disowned his mother. I often wonder what my ex-bro would be like today if he had never met her.

I'm glad things turned out for the best. In my case, I finally said my piece, and my ex-bro & I haven't spoken in nearly 5 years. Good to know there's sometimes a happy ending.

 
At Tuesday, 29 August, 2006, Blogger Clarity25 said...

Wow, That girl IS a pyscho bitch.

It's good to know I'm not the only one with a little brother that dated someone...um, nevermind. This is public.:)

You handled the situation well and she got what she deserved.

 
At Tuesday, 29 August, 2006, Blogger Beth said...

It wouldn't matter if I had been here for your first blog, I never remember initials. LB would still have me going, "Lyndon Banes? Loopy Bitch?" That's how my brain works.

Once upon a time I had a psycho bitch sister in law, but finding out my brother was gay seemed to cure their marriage. Haha.

 
At Tuesday, 29 August, 2006, Blogger Sal said...

You had tons of friends in San Francisco and there wasn't a soul at the Bus Stop that didn't know you. OMG, I do remember The Psycho Bitch From Hell and she wasn't much to look at, also remember a few evenings your brother spent on the phone at The Bus Stop and The Orbit Rooom, glad he escaped I'm sure it took some time for his ear to heal...

 
At Tuesday, 29 August, 2006, Blogger Heather said...

Oh my God! I'm so sorry that you & your family had to deal with someone like that!! Yikes!

 
At Wednesday, 30 August, 2006, Blogger LL said...

Wow... stop holding back Kat. Tell us how you really feel about her. :P

 
At Wednesday, 30 August, 2006, Anonymous moonfaeryy said...

Wow...How insane. That's all I have right now...just wow.... ;-)

 
At Wednesday, 30 August, 2006, Blogger mr. schprock said...

You should have had your brother attend a performance of The Taming of the Shrew. Then he would've known what to do.

 
At Wednesday, 30 August, 2006, Blogger Kathleen said...

MW - Yeah, but I actually like my brother! TAS is my friend's initials.

Dave - Better the BIL stay with you than with the PsychoNutcase.

Trina - My LB knew she was trouble, but just couldn't get rid of her since he's too kind-hearted and took her suicide threats to heart. He's much nicer than I am.

Beth - I think the family would have preferred LB gay than with this chick. ;-)

Sal - Yes, eventually, but it took a while to make friends there. Damn, but I miss The Bus Stop. Got an e-mail from Ron, the ex-Detroiter bartender a while back. I should e-mail him and say Hi.

Lord Loser - Do you have any idea how many times a day I hear something like that? I'm afraid that I have no problem expressing myself. ;-)

Schprockie - My brother would go, but I didn't want him to tame her, I wanted her the heck out of all of our lives!

 
At Wednesday, 30 August, 2006, Blogger MW said...

Kathleen, I know you like your brother, and I think that is great. I wish that could be the case with me too, but it isn't. We all get our families by the luck of the draw.

 
At Wednesday, 02 April, 2008, Blogger Gail said...

Kath, I have been searching forever for a site to give advice for a family going through what you describe here. I had never heard of BPD before, but I'll tell you, it seems to have very predictable characteristics. My brother got ivolved with one of these prizes, and thinks she's wonderful, and yet he deals with all the bitching out, manipulation, phone calls, etc, and he plans on MARRYING her? Are we supposed to just pretend we're going along with it and are actually happy for him, cuz we're NOT! He has dumped his friends, and his family for the most part.She has a rude demeanor around us, and he moved right in with her and her family, and now they are his "new" family. He is cold and distant to his mom--what are we supposed to do? Help! Gail

 

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