Tuesday, June 21, 2005

Life's Unfair

Dang, but I'm tired today. I felt bizarre all day yesterday, like I was getting a head cold or something, and by bedtime I had a full-scale headache. I took my allergy pills and ibuprofen and then, since it seemed like a tension headache, put Target brand Icy Hot around the lower part of my skull. It seemed to do the trick, but I woke up this morning with a sweaty head. I was up by 4:30 a.m. and at work by 5:30. And I'm ready for a nap. I'm sure the chamomile tea isn't helping wake me up, but as I don't do caffeine (it makes me shaky and jittery and keeps me up at night – yes, even if I drink it in the morning), there's not a lot I can do about it.

There is just bad news all over the place. A very dear friend's mother passed away yesterday, a bit unexpectedly. And then I just got an e-mail from a good friend which stated: "I just had the worst night of my life... My ex (and good fried), her husband (a good guy)....... And my oldest son were flying a twin engine Piper that has been missing of the Florida East Coast since Monday morning......" So, if you're so inclined, please pray for my friends. Just so sad. Life can really suck sometimes.

Father's Day at church was the usual insanity with Mom sobbing for added fun. Connie was reading some poems (sounded like Hallmark cards, actually) about Fathers being Dads, etc. And it was saying all these nice things about Dads. Mom just put her head on my shoulder and started sobbing and saying, "I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry." I just hugged her and told her over and over again, "It's not your fault, Mom. Nobody blames you. It's not your fault." It's so not Mom's fault that Former Father (FF) is an idiot, a moron, an asshole and a whole bunch of other not so nice names. But Mom internalizes everything and so she gets upset that my siblings and I didn't have the world's greatest father. Hell, lots of people don't have the world's greatest father and trust me I dealt with that fact a long time ago. I didn't even feel a twinge of regret for not having what was described in the "poems." It's hard to miss something you didn't have. I'm sure I'll cry when he dies though – not for him, but for what a complete jackass he was and for how he treated his kids. It always makes me sad when I hear of people who have lost a parent and how much they miss that parent, and I don't even bother talking to mine. I'm not sad for me. I'm sad for the person who is experiencing the loss, and how incredibly unfair life is.


At Tuesday, 21 June, 2005, Anonymous urs said...

Nobody said life was fair but... it's better then the alternative. Sometimes. ;)


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