My Favorite Christmas Present 2004

There are so many topics about which I think to write when I'm driving, but when it comes to sitting down and typing up a diary entry my mind goes blank!!! My last entry discussed my favorite memory of my dear friend Jess. When I got home on Thursday I had a package (it had actually arrived Wednesday but it must have been hidden in the foyer of my building because it was a decent sized box and I missed it) which had been outside my apt when I left for work that morning.

My intentions Thursday afternoon were to do some ab work and leg lifts and pilates type exercises. Well, I sat down on my exercise mat all ready to exercise after I opened my package. I do NOT believe in waiting for Christmas unless the box specifically tells me I have to. On top was a letter from Patty along with a pic of the three of us (P, J, and me) from Cleveland, probably 1997, Patty's first year. I teared up looking at that picture and it wasn't just from the horrendous straw hat I was wearing!!!

At the bottom of the box was a red bear. The letter explained that the bear was made from one of Jesse's racing shirts, specifically an Alessandro Zanardi shirt from his F1 days, and it smells like Jess. Patty's mom helped her make it and it has cute black eyes, nose and stitching on his chest that says JPB. When I got that I just started to cry as I still can't believe Jesse is gone. I know he is, because I saw him right after he died as well as at the funeral, but it still saddens me to know I won't see him at Cleveland or Milwaukee any more. And I know if he had been better the last couple of years I would have seen him at Road America.

I did a few crunches (I get so incredibly bored exercising that I just can't make myself do it for more than three seconds) and then cried some more. By the time Martha called I had made my voice all scratchy from crying – so much so that Martha thought I had been napping. Being the good friend that she is, when I said that I didn't want to go out, she said she completely understood as sometimes she just wants to sit home and be sad. I know I should have gone, but I was just not in the mood to hang out at a bar with people. And the last time I didn't feel like going but did, I was a miserable wretch and nobody wanted to talk to me and I can't say that I blame them at all.

So, even though it was my first Christmas gift of the year, I declare that my favorite present (the one that will mean the most and I'll keep forever) is my JPB bear. Every time I look at him, I'll think of J&P and what incredible friends they are and were. And I'll bet that on more than one occasion, I will cry.