Hating my writing style (term used loosely)

I'm not enjoying my posts lately. I think that I get too caught up in who might be reading things, so I end up editing too much. And that's incredibly stupid as there are four people who read this.

I also think I'm not very good writing directly to computer. I grew up in the stone ages and actually wrote all my papers in college by hand. I think I write better when I am not faced with a computer screen. I feel like my thoughts come out stilted and not free-flowing. But at the same time, I write personal e-mails on the computer and do not have this problem, perhaps because I'm directing it at one person, and feel I know my audience.

Yesterday's post re: Wanda and Winky was supposed to be a touching tale (ha ha) of me weeping at the zoo earlier in the summer and then I got sidetracked with work and shit and it ended up being a stupid post. Not that it would have been any better if I had stuck with the original theme, but my point is that I edit and forget too much!

I write great entries in my head while walking to and from work, in the shower, etc., but when I get in front of the computer all thought flees my head like a herd of gazelle confronted by a lioness. Yes, I did fabulously well on exams in school. How did you know?

Shit, right now, I couldn't remember my phone # if someone asked me. How did I get through college with this brain that is so willing to throw information away w/o asking me first? "Hey, dumbass redhead, you going to need this great diatribe on Wayne Gretzky?" No, it doesn't ask, it just deletes it from my hard memory and all those insightful (or inciteful) arguments are gone.

And the fact that I've spent the morning dealing with completely stupid fucking people hasn't helped the situation. My brain really shuts down when I have to deal with engineers, especially lazy ones who hate their jobs and want to do as little as possible and pride themselves on knowing fucking nothing. And then get annoyed with me because they have to think and probe their brains for some little tidbit of knowledge that I need in order to help them. I swear some of them think that I ask these questions just to be annoying. I've reached the point where I capitalise words like NOT a lot! Usually, the sentence looks like this, "The system will NOT let me do that. I REALLY need all of the information in order to complete your request." I'm not doing it to piss them off, but they think I am! ARGH!!

Thank goodness for the upcoming five day weekend. Yup, I'm taking tomorrow off. I plan for the Wednesday before Thanksgiving to be a vacation day because I normally go off to Grandma's to help her get ready. It's the least I can do as Grandma is getting up there (I think she's going to be 87) and I like to have holidays at Grandma's because she has the biggest place and most centrally located. Anyway, she's unable to have dinner this year because her husband had surgery yesterday and he's going to be in the hospital three days. I'm a bit bummed, but I am trying to be a grown-up about this.

It'll be okay though because my Aunt Joanie is having us all over for T-giving and as long as I'm with lots of family, I'm good. I'm still taking tomorrow off because I still have to make my vegetarian dressing and mushroom gravy and it needs to be done early afternoon because I'm going to go out with Martha. We might even head up to Royal Oak to eat at Bastone as I had told her all about it! I'll have two good meals in a row! What a concept!

And please pray/keep in your thoughts my darling Boris. I found blood in his stool this morning, so we're off to the vet at 3:15 this afternoon. *sigh* I hope he's okay and that this is just the splinters from where he ate the corner of my bookcase making its way through his system and that it's really no big deal. *fingers crossed*