Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Dating Sucks Big Time

I've been contemplating a number of different posts regarding the loan to the Big Three, but I'm so angry right now that I can't do it, especially if I got negative responses from my blogging buddies, because then I'd be more upset and I don't want to do that to myself.

For the past three months (I was surprised to figure out it was that long, actually), I had a profile up at a couple of different dating sites. One free and one pay (but I got a deal for 3 months – which ends next week – well, it did, until I canceled it this morning), and pretty much all they did was reinforce that I don't want to date. For the first two months I'd have guys who'd e-mail me through the free site and then just disappear after a few e-mails. Or I'd get an e-mail from the site saying You and So-and-So gave each other 4 (or 5) stars in looks (and/or personality), but then So-and-So would never e-mail me and I'm old-fashioned enough that I'd think the guy should initiate contact.

A few guys I'd notice something cool in their profile, so I'd e-mail them about it (obscure movie that we both liked, etc.) and I'd get no response at all, so I gave that up.

I'd get e-mails from fat, ugly, 60-year-olds with dead animals on the wall over their camouflage-capped heads saying crap like "like ur smile." Jesus, was the '"yo" that hard to type? It's not fucking text messaging (not that I approve of that, either).

Saturday night I met a guy from the free site for dinner. He was older than I really wanted, but I was trying to have an open mind. His profile stated that he was 5'8" which I thought was a tad short (I'm 5'6") but I decided not to be judgemental. That went out the window when he showed up and was shorter than me. For heaven's sake, WTF? Like I'm not going to figure out that he's 5'4" when I actually meet him? The problem here isn't the height (or lack thereof), it's the lying. Of course, most men claim they're 2" taller than they actually are, so maybe he truly believes it. Still. And then there was the Shrek-like beer belly. I work bloody hard trying to stay/keep/get into shape, and it's obvious he hasn't seen anything remotely exercise-like in years. *sigh* We won't even discuss his two Japanese vehicles.

Oh, and he took a phone call during dinner. I had my phone on silent in my purse. His was on LOUD ring and it took him a while to dig it out of his pocket. He looked at (I thought he had silenced the ring at least while he figured out who was calling), and said, "I have no idea who this is." which to me means, then don't freaking answer it...but he did in the middle of the second ring. Turned out it was somebody who was coming to the house the next day to refinance it. He was on the phone a couple of minutes which I thought was a tad rude in the middle of a date - to say nothing of a first date.

Then there was the guy from the pay dating site. It semi-fashions itself after eHarmony, so you have to go through Steps. First, you express mutual interest, next up you share "Relationship Essentials," and then comes short-answer questions. At this point, I was ready to give up. Then comes e-mail. This one guy sent me an e-mail telling me how handsome, mature, patient he was, along with the statement "I'm no boy, but a man and a big one at that." Dear God in Heaven! I responded, however, with a nice e-mail asking questions and what have you – try to keep an open mind. The next thing I got from him was a First Meeting request…well, it was Halloween weekend and I had plans the entire weekend, so I e-mail him back saying that and suggesting that more e-mails wouldn't be remiss (remember, he didn't answer any of my questions). That was the last I heard from him. I checked my profile a couple of weeks later and he had closed me out. So much for patience, eh? Or maturity.

After thinking about (and discussing) the whole mess Saturday night (went out for beers with the girls after dinner with the short Shrek), Sunday (movie with BST, then dinner with BST, Marianne and a friend o hers) and yesterday with Maureen, I sent him an e-mail saying thank you for dinner but I've decided against dating and dating sites and wished him luck in his search. And then I deleted my profiles at both sites and while I'm a little sad that I gave up, I also know that in the long run, it'll be better. It was so much like daily rejection, wondering what the hell is wrong with me that this guy or that guy couldn't be bothered to respond to thoughtful e-mails.

The guy from Saturday night is having some problem taking no for an answer...he's on his third e-mail. *sigh* My friend Lisa read his second message (I was a chicken) and said, "He's acting like a girl." LOL And in his 3rd e-mail he wants to be friends. He wasn't that interesting, I have to say.

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32 Comments:

At Tuesday, 25 November, 2008, Blogger George said...

I'm sorry if the sites didn't go well. You know my story (eHarmony) and you've seen how that worked out. I can also come up with 8 other couples in our circle of friends from eHarmony.

I fully support taking a break if necessary. I did it (once for 2 years) but when I was ready to get back on the horse it worked out.

If/when you feel like dipping a toe in teh dating pool again for goodness sakes let me know.

Mona and I will be happy to lend support and encouragement.

 
At Tuesday, 25 November, 2008, Blogger Evil Twin's Wife said...

I certainly don't miss the dating gig. Although I'm dying to have both myself and the Evil Twin sign up for eHarmony and see if we get matched. I'm 100% confident we would.

 
At Tuesday, 25 November, 2008, Blogger Kathleen said...

Jorge - Oh, I'm done for good, but thanks for the offer. I appreciate the support.

ETW - eHarmony's too expensive for that! I never signed up with them because they are so bloody expensive.

 
At Tuesday, 25 November, 2008, Blogger Glenn said...

So I take it you're a die hard American car fan? Japanese, Korean, European, American, they're all about the same to me anymore. Would really like to hear your take on the situation.

At 5'6" I wouldn't exactly call you an Amazon. Why do women get so stuck on height (other than the "big hands" thing)? What's an acceptable height to you?

 
At Tuesday, 25 November, 2008, Blogger Kathleen said...

Glenn - I work for one of the Big 3, so I'm a little sensitive these days. And no, it wasn't the height thing...it was the lying thing! You're right, I'm not exactly an amazon at 5'6" which means he was pretty bloody short. I expect "truthiness," at the very least, if I'm going to be entering into a relationship - he also didn't really wow me with his personality, so it wasn't just the height thing.

 
At Tuesday, 25 November, 2008, Blogger LL said...

You know... if you'd start listening to a better class of music... well... :P

 
At Tuesday, 25 November, 2008, Blogger Kathleen said...

LL - Pppphhhffffftttttt!!!!! At least I don't make my readers suffer through a Billy Squier video. ;-)

 
At Wednesday, 26 November, 2008, Blogger LL said...

Suffer... Pshaw... you enjoyed every minute of it!

 
At Wednesday, 26 November, 2008, Blogger Laura said...

Not exactly the best post for me to read right now considering I'll be out there again eventually... sigh.

Taking a call during dinner?? if I had to do that, like a parent was in the hospital (but then again, why would I be on a date then), I'd explain to the person that there's an emergency and I might have to take a call, but promise it'd be short. Seriously rude.

I do have one happy ending story about online dating. A friend of mine met a guy through one of the sites and they've been together for a few years and are getting married next year. So there is hope, but yes, I've heard the horror stories about the dumbasses that crawl out of the woodwork...

 
At Wednesday, 26 November, 2008, Blogger Glenn said...

I get the "truthiness" thing and it's cool that you were still willing to give him a shot. It just bugs me when people have a physical requirement people can't control in order to date. Sort of like a guy saying you need not apply unless you're at least a D cup. Same thing, different measurement.

Yes I'm only 5'8". No I don't have a Napoleon complex.

And I expect a long an thoughtful post on your opinion of the auto bailout/nonbailout. Who cares if people on the other side of a computer screen disagree with you or not. Why hold back your views when you might be able to sway even two or three people to your side of the fence? If you can't post your feelings on a blog, what purpose does it serve? Get to work!!!

 
At Wednesday, 26 November, 2008, Blogger Kathleen said...

LL - Not even close! ;-) It gave me a full on body shiver.

Laura - I know there are successes out there, but I just don't have any luck. And I would have been fine with the phone call if it had been his kids (he had left them at home - oldest is 17), but a number he didn't even know? That was a problem.

Glenn - 5'8" is fine...5'4" isn't when you say you're 5'8"...and there were other issues, which I hadn't included in the first posting, so if you haven't re-read (which I wouldn't have done either) it, you might do so. Also, he was just kind of blah...pleasant, but not overwhelmingly funny or memorable. To say nothing of the fact that his divorce was only final on Tuesday.

 
At Thursday, 27 November, 2008, Blogger Warped Mind of Ron said...

I'm betting the pay website was Chemistry.com, yeah it sucks. There was never enough information supplied to make an evaluation. Can't really believe the guy would take an unknown phone call on a first date, LOL. Best of luck in the search.

 
At Thursday, 27 November, 2008, Blogger Dave said...

ecch...dating. I'm so glad I found me a winner early on. Even though I met The Squeeze through his BBS (that's going way back, kids), I still think the best way to meet someone is through friends, work, etc.
On the topic of the Big 3. I'm all for the workers who are getting the shaft because of the greed of, and mismanagement by, the CEOs. It's pathetic that the bigwigs flew to the hearing in their private jets to beg for public funds to bail the poor bastards out. They need to sell their private jets, accept a brutal cut in pay, and forgo their bonuses (which could sustain a small town for a year). Just watch, whatever happens I'm sure the CEOs will wind up getting some huge windfall, and the poor schmuck on the assembly line is going to have to bend over and take it dry.
It's like the banks up here. We've been getting pounded by ever-increasing service charges over the years, they've had record-breaking profits, and now when things are looking dicey they want a bailout. WTF did they do with the billions in profit they've been making?
Blood pressure rising...must stop. Call 9-1-
*thud*

 
At Friday, 28 November, 2008, Blogger Kathleen said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

 
At Friday, 28 November, 2008, Blogger Kathleen said...

WMoRon - How'd you know? Yup, it was Chemistry.com...thankfully, it only cost $30 for three months, which I now consider a good investment in knowing what I don't want to do - on-line dating! ;-) I'm glad it's not just me that thought taking an unknown phone call was a bad move.

Dave - And once again everybody forgets the people in the middle of the Big 3 - the white collar workers who aren't the highly paid executives or the union, but who have taken hit after hit after hit over the past five years because they're not union so they have no recourse. Everybody feels bad for the union, but nobody feels for us. The union just two years ago (and barely 51%) voted to start paying $5 copays for doctor visits and prescriptions. White collar workers have been paying $20 and higher ever since I've been there. And trust me, they make more money than I do. Do I think they deserve the crap they're (the union ) getting from the media? No, but I just want to be remembered once in a while.

 
At Friday, 28 November, 2008, Blogger fermicat said...

My friend at work also has not had stellar success with online dating sites. I don't think I would like them either. You meet more people that have things in common with you in real life, I think. PDM and I were friends back in grad school.

 
At Friday, 28 November, 2008, Blogger Warped Mind of Ron said...

Thought so. I did chemistry.com for the 3 month deal and totally felt like I wasn't given enough information. E-harmony was expensive and never found matches for me since I'm crazy. Oh found you through Evil Twin's Wife. My main site is warpedmindofron.com not the garfuncle's corner site.

 
At Friday, 28 November, 2008, Blogger Kathleen said...

Fermi - Yeah, sadly, college wasn't a great success for me. And I refuse to date any more engineers, so work is out. Once you reach my age, how the hell do you find someone? Good thing I figured out I don't actually want one. ;-)

Ron - Yeah, chemistry.com seemed like a half-assed version of eHarmony, but I wasn't about to go through that either. Ah, good to know on which is your proper website.

 
At Saturday, 29 November, 2008, Blogger dr sardonicus said...

Kathleen, you're scaring me!

One thing I'm sure of, though, is that I won't go near an online dating site with a ten-foot pole. It's just too easy to lie about yourself on the internets, and almost all the stories I've heard from people who've dealt with online dating sites is that they're loaded with liars.

It's difficult for me to meet people because of the screwy hours I work. The weekend night shift is not a good one if you want to get out and have a bit of a social life. Right now, though, I figure it's keeping me out of trouble.

 
At Saturday, 29 November, 2008, Blogger Kathleen said...

Dr. - Wasn't trying to scare anybody, especially you. Trust me, it's not easy to meet people when you work "normal" hours either when you reach a certain age.

 
At Saturday, 29 November, 2008, Blogger The Zombieslayer said...

You already know how I feel about the bailout so...

AS for dating, geez, I'm so glad to be married.

Let me let you in on a secret that I learned from my buddy Kate - men lie about their height and how much money they make. Women lie about their weight and their age. That's just how it goes.

so when a guy tells you his height, deduct 2 inches (or more). when he tells you how much money he makes, deduct 20% (or more). Just like with women, I add 20-30 pounds and subtract 5-10 years, then get somewhere closer to the truth.

As for a gut, I remember asking my jiu-jitsu instructor responding "don't get in one" when I asked the safest way to get out of a headlock. How to get rid of a gut? Don't get one. Crunchies really aren't that hard to do.

As for his Japanese cars, I can sympathize slightly (only slightly mind you). At least Honda Accords are made in California and employ Californian labor. Still, I always buy American but you know that.

What really pisses me off are all these Yuppies with Beemers and Mercedes, then they complain about the economy. I ought to smack them on the head.

As for the other guys, more yikes. Like I said, glad I'm not single.

 
At Saturday, 29 November, 2008, Blogger The Zombieslayer said...

Oh, forgot to say, I hate it when people answer their phone when I'm talking to them. I give them a nasty look. That's just flat out rude.

 
At Sunday, 30 November, 2008, Blogger Kathleen said...

ZS - I actually told the truth about my weight and age on my profile, but apparently, I'm a rarity. ;-) He didn't drive a Honda - he had a Subaru and a Toyota.

 
At Sunday, 30 November, 2008, Blogger NYPinTA said...

Wow. That just sucks.
A co-worker was once looking at an online dating site and nearly had a coronary when she found her ex-husband's profile.
I've never considered signing up for them, but that could be because I kind of hate people in general. ;P
Hope the old adage, 'when you stop looking for love it'll find you' is true for you. Unless it's some wierdo from Idaho...

 
At Sunday, 30 November, 2008, Blogger Kathleen said...

Thanks, NYPinta...I don't even care anymore. I've heard that so many times over the years - every time I've stopped and it has never happened yet, so it won't this time either and I don't care, because I'd rather watch whatever movie I want and not worry about what somebody else thinks.... I think that might be a little selfish, but I just don't care anymore. If you can't be selfish when you're single and living alone when can you be? ;-)

 
At Monday, 01 December, 2008, Blogger LL said...

"Unless it's some wierdo from Idaho..."

:g2f: Those are the best kind!

 
At Monday, 01 December, 2008, Blogger mr. schprock said...

I thought you were supposed to find true love in Laundromats and grocery stores. Right? Or maybe it happens this way: when your dog falls in love with his dog, and then they contrive to tangle their leashes around the two of you so their masters can fall in love too, only when they do that you both fall into a pond and come up sputtering and laughing and...

Wait, that's 101 Dalmatians, isn't it? Well, what the hell? It could work, couldn't it?

Man, I am no use whatsoever.

 
At Monday, 01 December, 2008, Blogger Jorge said...

OK, seriously.

Online dating works. Here is the list of couples I know have married from eHarmony:

Me and Mona
Juan and Juanita (My Brother)
The teacher and the Canadian (a sort of cousin)
The air traffic controller and his wife (Friend of Juan)
The Banker and his wife (Friend of Juan)
The Lawyer and the web developer
The (Friend of Mona)
The Teacher and the Librarian (Friend of Mona)

As far as the bad date goes-

In my opinion lying is unnaceptable and frankly stupid. You're gonna get caught and then you're screwed. Especailly if it's about something like height.

If your divorce is less than 6 months to a year old, you shouldn't be dating. No one gets their head on straight that fast.

If you need to take a break for a while, do it. Be as cynical as you need to. But never give up.

And forget all the cliches. There is no such thing as Mr.or Ms. Right, or "it" happening when you don't expect it or any of that stuff.

All that has to happen is to make a decision to find someone who is as commited as you are, and for the right reasons.

I made it very clear to Mona right up front that I was done with dating just for the heck of it. I was looking for a long term thing. It surprised her but it worked out.

The next time we get together you me and Mona can, if you want, have a nice long talk about the whole thing.

Dating can often suck, but if you're doing it with a goal in mind it's eventually worth it.

 
At Monday, 01 December, 2008, Blogger Jorge said...

And just for the heck of it, I have never claimed to be any taller than 5'7".



And three-quarters.

 
At Monday, 01 December, 2008, Blogger Kathleen said...

LL - A weirdo from Idaho? I wonder to whom she could be referring???

Schprockie - I love 101 Dalmatians!!!! But sadly I have cats - not so good for walkies.

Jorge - I think you hit the nail on the head - I have to want it badly enough and I'm just not sure I do.

 
At Thursday, 04 December, 2008, Blogger Heather said...

I never tried those dating sites but my best friend did - he did the speed dating thing and was so excited because he'd met a few girls he really likes - - no one picked him as a potential date which was heartbreaking to see. I honestly think those sites are designed to make people feel worse about themselves...but that's just my opinion! I know you'll fins someone who's perfect for you when you least expect it!!!!

 
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