New Religion (Advice Needed)
Advice time! Nope, I'm not giving it, I'm asking for it. I was chatting with my friend Lisa yesterday. We've worked on and off together (off is when she's on maternity leave) for the past five years. We both met The Libertarian around the same time and she's been pushing me to date him for oh, let's say, the last five years, and I've always just rolled my eyes at her and told her no (for the reasons listed previously as well as the fact that he's 8 years younger than me). Yesterday she decided to give me advice on men (she's married, has 2 kids, she's known her husband since they were 18), specifically The Libertarian.
Her advice is to date (marry, eventually) someone who worships the ground I walk on. It doesn't matter how I feel about said person because he'll treat me so well that I will inevitably fall in love with him. I'm not so sure about this. First off, how do you live up to being put on a pedestal? And that's huge for me. It scares me to think someone out there might think of me like that. Egads.
I'm not sure if I had second point against it, I just don't know that this is good dating/marital advice. I have a guy at work who is always at my desk or walking past and has let me know if he weren't married…but I find that he just annoys me. Same with the Stalker I used to have (only took him four years to figure that I didn't even want to speak to him) and now my Scuba Church Stalker (who was back last Sunday after being gone since April – oh, it was sweet not having to deal with him).
I don't know what kind of advice I'm looking for – maybe just your general thoughts on the various topics I've laid out in a very haphazard manner.
posted by Kathleen @ 10:41 AM
10 comments
10 Comments:
I'm glad you aren't actually asking for advice about religion, because I've got nothing.
I know a little bit about relationships since I'm, you know, in one. And I actually had one or two before this one, too!
Anyway, the whole "my guy should worship the ground I walk on" thing? My opinion on that would be "blech."
The best relationships I've seen all have one thing in common, and that's equality. A power imbalance almost always leads to dishonesty and difficulty. Being worshipped is probably a really nice ego boost, but over the long term it usually leads to the worshippee becoming unimpressed with the worshipper's lack of spinal column.
(confession: I was once a worshipper. It was a miserable experience for her and for me)
If you want someobody to worship the ground you walk on, then get a dog. If you want a good relationship then find an equal partner, somebody who will support you but has his own ideas too.
You gotta have the give and take. I would feel icky if I had someone who worshiped me. I guess that's why I'm not REALLY cut out for the dom / sub thang...
Well honey, you talk about The Libertarian a lot. Are you attracted to him or not...or would this be settling? On the age issue, 8 years isn't much since both parties are over 30.
I don't know anyone who is more set in their ways than you(just being honest here) and although they say opposites attract I simply can't see you with a disciple of Ted Nugent.
Does The Libertarian worship you?
From my experience before I got married I would advise against such a relationship. I was the worshipper once and the worshippee twice and none of the three amounted to more than a car wreck. Worshippers usually become passive agressive and the object usually loses interest. Not always, but most of the time that is the case.
Glen's right. Are you attracted to him? Do you think he's attracted to you? Don't fret about the age thing. That should be a non-issue. Worship is unhealthy for both parties. I've been a worshipper. Nothing ever happened between us and I'm great friends with that person today. I've gotten over her through years of friendly rejection. Now I see that as much as I love her as a friend and how great we get along as friends we would make a horrible couple. Although you may get along with the Libertarian swimmingly and may enjoy friendly debates with each other it may be more difficult when in a relationship or when it comes to election season. It could be fun for a while, but are you looking for a fling or a relationship. A little worship is okay at the beginning and it should taper off or evolve a bit, but always remain respectful. I'm sure that there are plenty of fish in the sea that would love to have you. You're quite the catch. Just make sure they didn't vote for Dubya. People often have blinders on to the obvious. The fact that you mention the Libertarian so often though probably means something. Just don't tune out the others. (It's okay to tune out the stalker and the married guy.) But most importantly, it's your call, not ours.
So what's your take on fat younger liberals? ;)
My advice: Yes, I think you should get a new religion. ;-)
Here's my $.02
You love the zoo.
He owns guns.
Run, don't walk from this one.
'Nuff said.
But I love the zoo AND I own guns. Is it possible to run from oneself? Hmm...
I agree with the general consensus here. Never been the worshipper, but was the worshippee once - someone I wasn't even dating! It was hard for me to even be friends with him after that - just creepy.
I think we all need someone who is willing to put us in our place occasionally. My ex-bro is the worshipper, and his wife treats him like crap. And because she is now convinced of her wonderfulness, she expects everyone to treat her like that. No thanks.
You don't seem like the high maintenance type - it would probably get irritating fast. If I wanted to be told I was right all the time, I just hang out with me. :P
I don't think that's very good advice at all. I had a guy when I was 18 or 19 that actually "worshipped the ground I walked on" and it drove me crazy. I couldn't stand being around him and there's no way i could have "learned to love him." I'd be in jail for murder right now!!!
OK, my very non-schooled truly-inexperienced, socially-inept very-very-rare-dater take on this.
I don't think I've truly worshipped anyone - perhaps close, but I understand that there are things that I'm not going to like about said person, and vice versa. It's normal I think to expect a person to be great, but the important thing is that you realize that the person's going to have faults, and how you deal with them.
(i.e. you can put a person on a pedestal, the key is are you willing to deal with it off of there when something knocks it off, *shrug*)
A healthy relationship has a lot of give and take. My parents just recently had their 41st wedding anniversary. I consider that a case study, heh.
As far as the age thing, after a certain point, I don't really think it matters much, in either direction: I last dated a woman 7 years older than I am; one woman who may/may not be interested in me is around 8 years younger than me (that's a story in itself), and others are 5-6 younger. If you're truly happy, why limit yourself based on something you really can't control (again, with the caveat 'after a certain point', which I think the women I'm considering have passed).
I think the other posters' advice is sound on this. Whether mine is, that's up in the air. ;-)
Just catching up a bit late, but I would say the worshiping thing - gosh no. Laurence worshipped me, and it's true, one of the most attractive things is someone finding you attractive... but when you like them and you end up staying because you're afraid of how much it will hurt them when you go, that, my lovely, is bad. Having been a worshipper also, I can say it hurts so much sometimes when that isn’t reciprocated.
In all the relationships I see working out well, I would say that a partnership is important. My mum and dad just had their 31st wedding anniversary and they say that they are each other’s best friend, and it's always been that way, which is how they knew.
To me, that sounds much more like good advice :o)
And the age thing? If you feel way older then no - but I'd say that it sounds like you don't... I usually take how old I feel they are in comparison to me as a guide. Which has got me in trouble once or twice, but mostly seems to serve well!
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