Sunday, December 06, 2009

Word of the Day

I signed up a while back for the word of the day from dictionary.com...today's (or at least I read it today) is "nonplus." And that's EXACTLY how I'm feeling right now. NONPLUSSED.

Now I know most of you have decided that I'm not blogging that much because I'm spending too much time on Facebook (trust me, I am not). I just don't feel like spending a boatload of time on the computer once I get home from work. I'd rather knit....it's that time of year. Anyway, the Saturday after Thanksgiving I went to a High School All Year Class Reunion. Those of you have been reading me for a couple of years know that I went two years ago and declared that I was done with such bullshit. *sigh* And so I was. Then a close friend from high school found me on Facebook and while I was reluctant to go there, her message seemed genuine, so I replied and then she asked me if I would be attending the reunion. *double sigh* I responded, "Honestly? Only if you're there." *triple sigh* She was making the trip from Happy Valley and said she wanted to see me.

I contacted Marianne, the only person from high school with whom I still speak or spend time, to see if she could go. She had her kids that weekend but was going to see if the boyfriend could watch them. Turns out he had to spend time with his mother and I couldn't, in good faith, make Marianne leave her kids alone for a couple of hours to hold my hand. They're old enough, but she doesn't like doing it if she's not close to home. *quadruple sigh* I told her I was an adult and could go by myself.

I had made sure in the meantime that a few other people I knew were going to be there (a guy from work and his sister Mary from my class). The OS asked if it were okay for her to go, which I thought was a ridiculous thing to ask as it was being held in a bar and she had gone to the same high school. Mary showed up as I was about to walk out because I'm really a wuss when it comes to high school. She's much more self-assured than I am, apparently, so she decided to go for it and I followed her. We found John S standing at a table along the outside windows. He told us that he had laid claim to the same table the year before and didn't leave it. I decided that was good enough for me, and I stuck with him. We chatted with each other and others as they walked past. Finally, the girl I was there to see showed up and it was good to see her. She told me that I look great (I scoffed) and that I needed to gain weight as I was too skinny in high school. She really did look fabulous and she introduced us to her husband who was very nice. All in all, it wasn't the hell I had expected it to be.

To get back to why I'm nonplussed...one of the guys from high school who made my life hell just sent me a Friend request. ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME???? This guy is the reason NONE of my supposed friends talked to me through most of senior year and ignored me completely at the five year reunion (my supposed best friend and locker partner - she moved out of our locker halfway through our senior year without telling me - walked away from me at the reunion after I walked up to her and said Hi. Literally, she looked straight at me and walked away.), and he sends me a Facebook Friend Request!!! The reason I blame him? Just after senior year I remember asking Judy (the one who walked away from me) why I was never invited to events that the group was doing and she said, "Well, Norm and Dan usually set things up and they don't like you, and we just don't think about it." As if an insecure 17-year-old needs to hear that. And it doesn't matter that I'm no longer 17 wondering why people who are supposed to be my friends don't like me, because part of that 17-year-old still exists. Which is sad and pathetic, I know, but doesn't change the facts or the way I view the world.

So, should I be a wuss and Friend him or Ignore him and let him know that all these years later he got to me?

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12 Comments:

At Sunday, 06 December, 2009, Blogger Rick said...

That's a tough one - my original Clawson Bully (the profoundly damaged kid who lived across the street) friended me a couple months ago, and the request still sits there, unconfirmed.

Which sends more of the message you want to send? Ignoring him might let him know that you're not really over it, but under no circumstances is this person a "friend", right? On the one hand, you're over and done with it, but on the other, confirming it feels a bit like it lets them pretend the past didn't happen.

 
At Monday, 07 December, 2009, Blogger LL said...

Crap... I had a bad influence on you, didn't I... :ewink:

Meh... either choice is ok. Not knowing anything about FB, I can only suggest the following test.

Do you want him on there? If the answer's no... don't do it. Your place, your "friends".

 
At Monday, 07 December, 2009, Blogger Kathleen said...

Rick - I'm leaning toward Friending him just so he doesn't know that 27 years later I'm still insecure the reason he supposedly didn't like me.

LL - Yeah, I think I'm on your blogging schedule - once every month and a half. It is possible to accept but ignore at the same time. ;-) I'm leaning that way...

 
At Tuesday, 08 December, 2009, Blogger fermicat said...

You don't have to friend anyone you don't want to. Do whatever feels best. Sometimes people change, or maybe they're so clueless they have no idea when they've hurt someone. I'm still not on Facebook (yes, I am a dinosaur) so it hasn't come up for me. I think I'd be inclined to give someone a second chance since it has been 25 years since HS for me. You can always de-friend someone if they are still an ass.

 
At Thursday, 10 December, 2009, Anonymous Yelayna said...

Personally, I'd ignore him. People can't see if you have, and you might not go on there much, for all he knows, and by the time you might (theoretically) he'll probably have forgotten that he sent the request.

If that makes any sense?!!

I've had the same dilemma and decided that they weren't my friends then, they were mean. As a grown up with the awkward shy 15 year old still inside smarting from the comments, I don't need that nonsense. I don't need to be thinking up polite things to say to people I still have unpleasant feelings relating to in my personal space (as much as facebook can be, I know ;o) )- I do enough of that at work!

Hope you're keeping well, I have been hideously out of touch with everything! xx

 
At Thursday, 10 December, 2009, Blogger Jorge said...

I have 6 or 7 requests sitting there waiting fom me to either friend or ignore them. They're mostly from people I didn't care for. In most cases I either don't know or never cared about what they thought of me.

Frankly I like just leaving them in limbo. Then they get to wonder if I saw their request and why no action has been taken.

I believe ambiguity is the most passive aggressive choice, and that's the one for me!

BTW, we need to figure out another dinner. How about shooting for a weeknight some time this month?

 
At Friday, 11 December, 2009, Blogger Kathleen said...

Fermi - Yes, I know i don't have to "Friend" anybody I don't want to, that's why I asked my very wise blogging friends for advice. I'm leaning toward Jorge's method of just ignoring it... ;-) And considering the week from hell I've had work-wise (shortest day was 11 hours), it's been a legitimate ignoring. But then as I stated earlier, I don't want him to know he's still getting to me 27 years later.

Yelayna - Hey there, chica!!! How have you been? I have been nowhere Internet-wise as I've worked 60 hours this week. Of course, I have no excuse for before that, except that I'd rather knit. I totally understand your way of dealing with it...but I don't want him to know that 27 years later he still gets to me...or him to think that I'm still insecure 27 years later. *sigh* Does HIGH SCHOOL ever get easy??? Honestly!

Jorge - You have my e-mail, right? I'm done working starting Monday, but have lunch plans for Tuesday and Wednesday (someone abandoning Detroit and my company for Connecticut and finally meeting someone at a supplier with whom I've been dealing for YEARS, respectively). I just ask for no Lebanese food - been over it for a while...

 
At Friday, 18 December, 2009, Blogger The Zombieslayer said...

If the effects are still being felt, then ignore him.

That really sucks.

My HS years were ok. Much prefer Junior high and college years though. If we had a junior high reunion, I'd go.

I understand what you mean about the 17-year-old you still exists. I sometimes feel like I'm still 12 years old. That part of my life was very important to me.

That really bites about the girl who wouldn't say hi back. Geez, you're adults now. She should let that go.

 
At Saturday, 19 December, 2009, Anonymous Suzy said...

I'd ignore it. He doesn't deserve your fabulousness, or to know anything about your life. As others have pointed out, he's definitely not your friend.

This kind of thing is one of the definite drawbacks of Facebook. Ugh.

 
At Saturday, 09 January, 2010, Blogger mr. schprock said...

I went to a high school reunion 12 or 13 yers ago and was completely disappointed. No more of those for me.

Just checking in to say hi. Glad you're still blogging. More than I can say for myself.

 
At Monday, 11 January, 2010, Blogger Fantasy Writer Guy said...

Just dropped by to say hi. You know what a shameless advice-dropper I am but I see you've already obtained quite a bounty of useful advice!

R

 
At Friday, 29 January, 2010, Blogger Jenn said...

if you come back around I put a cat food video debate up on my blog. xx

 

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