Straight Edge (Minor Threat)

Jeff Kay over at The West Virginia Surf Report reported out on the Top Ten Fears and I decided to copy him. I wouldn't even have to credit him since he never reads my drivel, but I know I have at least one reader in common, so I'm giving due credit (I would have anyway).

Fear of spiders – I am not afraid of spiders. I'm not especially fond of them when they're hanging over my head by a slender silk thread, but then again I live in Michigan and we're not exactly known for our huge, killer spiders. I can kill my own spiders, although I have an agreement with any spiders in my house. As long as they stay up high, I allow them to live.

Fear of public speaking – Without a freaking doubt!!! Haven't I ever told you about me doing the first reading at my friend's wedding? She was my best friend growing up, but we hadn't hung together in quite some time when it was time for her wedding, so instead of being asked to be a bridesmaid (as hideous as that is I would have rather spent $200 on a velour dress I was never going to wear again), I was asked to do a reading. The only reason I truly wish to get married is to return the "favor." The reading she chose was from the Song of Solomon (or some such thing). Thirteen years later (or so), I can still recite part of it…"Hark! My lover! Here he comes!" Yeah and it got worse from there. There was talk about peeping Toms ("peering through the lattice"), stags aleaping, breasts heaving, etc. Dear heavens. What the bloody hell was she thinking? "Can't I do 1st Paul to the Corinthians, please?" Nope, that was reserved her sister.

I practiced that sucker for a month. I had to get through it without laughing, right? Her family was pretty conservative and reserved, so they would not have appreciated me giggling in the middle of her wedding Mass. There were essentially two paragraphs, the first much longer than the second and much more giggle-inducing. As such, I practiced the first paragraph until I damn near had it memorized. The problem was that since the second paragraph was pretty straightforward I hadn't practiced it as much. I show up the day of the wedding and I'm immediately confronted by the bride, "Why weren't you here for the rehearsal dinner?" "I wasn't invited." Yeah, we're such good friends, she forgot to invite me to the rehearsal dinner. I had typed up the reading in big print and double or triple-spaced to make it easier to read. When it came time for my reading, I made my way up the aisle to the pulpit where I proceeded to shake like a leaf with the paper rattling into the microphone. I got through the first paragraph and then made my almost fatal mistake – I paused to take a breath and almost couldn't get started again for fear of sobbing hysterically. I got my bearings by looking at the bride's mother who had a very caring look on her face and I was able to speed my through the second paragraph and ended with "The Word of God." "Thanks be to God." Whew!

And even worse than all that? At the reception, this man came up to me (he had been seated in the pew directly across from me and had stared at me the whole time) and someone introduced us (can't remember who needs to be punished for that) and I politely shook his hand. He held it an extraordinarily long period of time and said, "I just loved the way you said 'lover.'" Eeeeewwwwww!!! I babbled, "Yeah, I was surprised you could say that in church. Have you met my mother?" And I bailed. Oh yeah, the guy? Was about my mother's age. YUK!! FREAK!

Fear of flying - Not really, although I have noticed that the older I get and the more often I fly I do get a little bit more anxious. I hate flying, but that's mostly because of the discomfort of being crammed in like sardines and the inconvenience of trying to get somewhere and not have to check your luggage and pray that it makes it to your actual destination these days.

Fear of open spaces – Not really, although I can say that dark nearly empty parking lots late at night cause to me be a little bit more aware.

Fear of closed spaces – I didn't think I was the least bit claustrophobic until I had my first MRI seven years ago. I had my second one today, and my head was not in the machine as promised, but I could feel the initial squeamishness as the "gurney" moved into the machine. I initially just stared at the ceiling, but I realised that 20 minutes per knee was going to be a long time for staring at a ceiling, so I passed the time by running through race tracks. I started with Road America since I'm heading there Wednesday directly after work (with a stay overnight in Chicago with my friends Mary & Rob - same people who are going with me to see The Stooges tomorrow night). I realised that it had been too long since I've been to Mid-Ohio, because I could only get through Turns 1-6. Cleveland, Toronto, Laguna Seca & Road America (multiple time) kept me from thinking about the big tube I was almost all the way in. The last time I had an MRI I could take music with me, but not this time. If I ever have to be IN the machine again, I'm going somewhere I can take music. There's no way in hell I'm doing it unless I have music or (or perhaps and) am heavily drugged.

Fear of heights – Not really, my fear is more a fear of ladders. I was able to step on the clear platform at the CN Tower in Toronto with no problem.

Fear of vomit – Not scared of it, but hate doing it and try not to.

Fear of cancer – No, although I probably should be since every member of my family who has died in the past 25 years has died from cancer (or in the case of my great uncle who didn't die of it, he had it twice).

Fear of thunderstorms – Not at all. I live in Michigan , we get them all the time. I'd be a basketcase. I can sleep through them, no problem. I can't sleep through the deep, throbbing bass from Crave, but I can sleep through loud blasts of thunder.

Fear of death/dead things – No, I know people who absolutely point blank refuse to go up to the casket at a funeral home, but the dead body doesn't bother me. I'd, generally, prefer that the person lying there be up and about and leaving this mortal coil, but I'm not scared of them. I'm also one of those weirdoes that finds it helps to deal with the death.

I probably won't update again until next week as tomorrow is The Stooges at Meadowbrook Music Festival and then Wednesday immediately after work I leave for Road America where I'll be spending four days! Woohoo!!! Tonight I'm doing laundry, packing and making CDs for myself to take, because I won't have time tomorrow.

Have a good week, everybody, and I'll see you next week briefly, before I head to Baltimore on August 17th for my b-day weekend. I haven't seen my friend Railroad for at least 5 years (she'll know because the last time was at her wedding), and we have much catching up to do. I'm really looking forward to the next two weeks.